We all try to pretend we are okay. People ask, “What’s wrong?” We respond, “Nothing.” Or we are asked, “What are you thinking about?” We lie and say, “My mind was blank just now.” We say these responses all while in our minds we are screaming what we are really feeling but aren’t able to admit.
Why do we do this to ourselves? It could be the good old “Fake it until you make it” philosophy. We figure if we ignore how we really feel long enough we will forget and suddenly the sun will shine down upon us again. Well, that is crap. The scars of life are always there no matter how much scar cream you apply. It is really learning how to live with those scars as they naturally fade (but never fully disappear).
I am who I am because of the life I’ve lived. Those scars are part of me. They are part of my story. Do I want to delete a chapter or two? Absolutely. Can I? Absolutely not. I actually highly recommend people to run far far away from someone that has attempted to delete life chapters because one day they are going to wake up and remember. That won’t be a very pretty day.
I’m overly aware of my scars. Even if I don’t publicly announce them, I still live with them daily. I sometimes wonder if I’m too aware of them. For me, it isn’t about how I got the scar and/or who gave it to me. It is about figuring out how to keep moving forward and not let my past ruin my present and future.
